I recently took the JLPT N5 exam. I’ve been studying Japanese for a while now and I felt that I my ability could be amalgamated with something tangible. So why not put myself through late nights, boring Fridays and Saturdays and exam stress?!?!
Why? A language for goodness sake, why don’t I just do it like wifey do (complaining, contradicting themselves etc.)? Just kidding… Well informed by my partner in crime and fellow wordpress blogger at ‘HowToBeASlimGirlNot!!‘, I’ve now realised that I’m suffering from the common symptoms but uncommon concept of the “ID, EGO and SUPER-EGO” complex.
Simply put my ID, my untamed urge began at birth. An example of this would be, the first time a baby feels hunger. He or she cries for attention in order for the hunger to end. In this case, there is a need or desire that wasn’t met as a child but has now been realised as an unscratched itch and it’s materialised in one form as an engagement with Japanese culture.
My EGO, however, attempts to find a way to justify this for the simultaneous acceptance of myself and modern day society (family, friends etc). To a greater extent, my SUPER-EGO attempts to align myself with the general opinions and impressions that satisfy those of everybody except myself. In this case, my ID completely contradicts my SUPER-EGO.
I hope that you can relate by following this conversation that I have on a regular basis:
Dude/Dudette: What is it about Japan mayn, they got you twisted over there! 🙂
Jaunty: it’s fricken awesome that’s why! I’ve always wanted to go.
D/D: “Oh, you studying Japanese too? So what are you going to do with it then??”
J: “HOW ABOUT YOU MIND YOUR FRICKEN BUSINESS YO question mark question mark.”
-Okay we all know I didn’t say that so let’s try that again-
J:”Not sure but I really want to become fluent”
D/D:”I just don’t get it, I mean, why Japanese?” :-$
J:”Well I’ve always wanted to learn a foreign language. I’m taking an exam soon”
D/D:”Oh, OK” 🙂
Follow the italics though. I know this is a conversation I’m having with someone else but it seems like I’m spending most of my time, taking something very personal to me and moulding it for mass consumer consumption.
Still don’t understand? Go research it yo’ damn self mayn!
Stranger still, I’ve been told that this attempt at quantification is kin to common Japanese mindsets. How uncanny; this awareness has disturbed me enough to write a post about it. Yet somehow, other parts of my output (most notably my music) that call for much deeper emotions and honesty are not nearly held by the same analysis or contempt.
I guess it’s time for me to consider what I’m doing, who I’m doing it for and most importantly, not why I’ve been doing it but why I am doing it.
Think about yourselves as you read this. When has someone or everyone else’s opinion, not of you but of your actions, affected your comfort level in your soft, warm, moisturised skin?
Hold tight man like Sigmund Frued. Man like you is intelligent still! Oh, and click here.